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Podcast #25: You and your Family

Updated: 6 days ago



There's many important adults in your life--some may be parents, some maybe siblings, or other family members. All of these folks can be a huge support network if you have LD, dyslexia, or ADHD at any age.....



Who is Your Family?

The word family seems so simple, but can multiple definitions. For instance, "Parents" usually mean a father or a mother who are either natural or adoptive. "Families" are made up of parents and siblings, who are brothers or sisters with a parent in common. The folks at Brittannica (2025) describe family as: "a group of persons united by the ties of marriage, blood, or adoption, constituting a single household . . . usually those of spouses, parents, children, and siblings." From there in the 21st Century, the concept of family takes on many variations. I think a 15 year girl named Tatiana (2025) says it best: "Family consists of the people who support and love you, and the people you can confide in and trust. From my blood relatives and friends to my mentors, [and] others I have met along the way, my family is large and continuously growing."

Tatiana underscores the idea of an Extended Family, which is how many of us think of family today. This idea widens the Family circle beyond a traditional nuclear family to include multiple roles and generations (e.g., biological parents and siblings, in-laws, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, close family friends, neighbors, etc.). Extended family is such a fluid concept that it can be as small as one or two significant people in your life or as big as dozens and dozens of relatives and friends. Any, or all of these people, can be considered your "Family" and will have a significant impact on your life, whether as a child or as an adult. As we'll see later in the Blog, this is especially true if you have a hidden disabilty.


The Connections Between Families & LD or Dyslexia

Even though LD, dyslexia, and ADHD are usually invisible to others, they often have a huge impact on various family members. In fact, they often are a significant factor across generations. Ramifications of hidden or un-diagnosed disabilities will reverberate from grandparents, to parents, to children, to aunts, uncles, cousins, or even extended family members. It should be noted that most families are often totally unaware of the long-term ramifications of invisible disabilities. For example, they may remember a brother who couldn't spell or a grandparent that was erratic and disorganized. They may talk about an uncle who couldn't hold down a job or a parent who was terrible managing money. Any, or all of these scenarios, are usually part of family gossip and memories. They are rarely, if ever, connected to invisible disabilities, such as LD, dyslexia or ADHD.

Perhaps, the most obvious consequences are seen in the immediate family unit; parents and siblings of people with LD, dyslexia, or ADHD. The research here is not encouraging, as there may be damaging consequences for both parents and children. For example, one sobering statistic is the overall trend for high divorce rates in families where a child has a disability (Anderson & Bloom, 2025; Dr. G, 2011; MayInstitute, 2025). As Buscho (2023) explains: "Surveys show that the rate of divorce in families with a child with disabilities may be as high as 87%." (However, this commonly used statistic should be viewed with caution, as these studies lump all disabilities together and have not specifically addressed invisible disabilities like LD or dyslexia.)

Another issue for many families with a child with disabilities is the fallout for siblings, as seen in Tip #2 below. Boscho(2023) says: "All siblings of kids with disabilities have to find a way to cope, and there is no one right way to do it.  Sometimes it can lead to negative consequences, like feeling isolated or a need to be perfect in order to make up for the sibling’s challenges. But there are also positive consequences that have been documented, such as an increased capacity for empathy, greater tolerance for individual differences, and resiliency."

It should also be noted that, historically, siblings of people with disabilities have been ignored in the extant research base (ADD CITATIONS; DAWSON?). Since few professionals have studied the unique challenges in these families, little knowledge or treatment guidelines exist to help a child who lives with a brother or sister with any type of disability.  This can be critical as brothers and sisters will normally survive their parents, so the responsibility of the sibling with a disability will probably fall on their shoulders at some time in their lives. Still another important family ramification rarely explored in the literature is genetics. Family members may, or may not, be aware that invisible disabilities have a strong genetic component (CITATIONS!). As Vergnaud (2022) explains: "Dyslexia is genetic, meaning that it runs in families. Researchers have already identified some genes, and there’s ongoing research on others. If you have dyslexia, it’s very likely one of your parents has it as well. If you have children, then they are likely to have dyslexia, too. In short, the risk for dyslexia increases with the number of people in a family who have it." This means that if one family member is diagnosed with an invisible disabiity, it is likely that others in the family will have it as well. It can also go across generations and is usually un-detected or un-diagnosed. Such new knowledge can be disturbing for other family members, who often know little or nothing about invisible disabilities.

Each family is unique and siblings or extended family will often react to this news differently. For instance, some members will be sympathetic and want more information. Others may deny that invisible disabilities exist at all, especially when found so close to home. Some become threatened, defensive, or resentful. This makes them even more frustrated or angry with the person with LD, dyslexia, or ADHD. All of this confusion, stress, negativity, and mis-understanding only becomes a cycle that shapes the life of people with an invisible disabilties in innumerable ways, as seen in the Scenarios below.


Scenarios



Scenario A: Parents

Liz never, ever expected to get pregnant. She was with lots of guys in high school, but she always insisted on using protection. Most of her friends were only there for the social life anyway--and Liz was no exception. So when she got a positive pregnancy test, she and her dad pressured her current boyfriend Bobby to marry her. Because she was bored in high school, she gladly dropped out to have her son Michael. Liz and Bobby's marriage lasted only 6 months and then he left to join the Army. Liz never heard from him again. That was fine, because she was frustrated, tired, and really overwhelmed being a mother. She left Michael with her father and went away to find a job.

Liz finished her GED and decided to become a Flight Attendant. She sent for Michael and tried to build a new life for them both. Michael was a bright, loving boy who was never any trouble. So Liz was shocked again when she found out that she would have a second child. Juggling another pregnancy and flying all over the country left little time for her son. But it did convince her to give a lot more attention to her fiancee Alex so they could raise the new baby together. Emily seemed like another perfect baby until she started kindergarten.

Emily's babysitters had always mentioned that she couldn't do what the other kids did at her age. But with those beautiful brown eyes and charming smile, nobody really cared. When Emily started kindergarden, she couldn't remember her letters, colors or numbers, but was great with physical activities. She made lots of friends, but kept falling further and further behind in school. Her teachers finally convinced Liz to get Emily tested for learning disabilities. After she was diagnosed with LD, an IEP was written for Emily right away. However, Liz didn't seem particularly interested. She often forgot to attend meetings and ignored any suggestions to use with Emily at home. Meanwhile, she divorced Alex and became a single mother again.

Since Michael was usually on his own, he became a quiet, undemanding teenager who spent most of his time with his buddies drinking and partying. The family focus remained on Emily who continued to struggle in school and barely graduated. However, she was such a fine scoccer player that she managed to get a scholarship to local university. Liz was very proud of her and started looking for her third husband. But, she was outraged when Emily couldn't cope and flunked out of college. Now Liz really doesn't know what to do. She's divorced again and really tired of her job being the only breadwinner. Emily's barricaded herself in her room and won't talk to anyone. Michael's moved out and left home. Why is Liz's life such a mess? Is she a bad mother? How can she fix her kids' lives and put this family back on track?





Scenario B: Siblings

Everyone can have a different reaction to a family member with an invisible disability--and Michael is no exception. As seen in Scenario A above, Michael's family revolved around his mother's needs and his sister's issues. He usually felt that he was forgotten. He believed that he didn't have a voice because nobody ever seemed to listen to him. So, he just went his own way. He truly loved his sister and his mom and believed that they loved him in return. But life normally revolved around Emily or the current crisis at home. It was just easier to be quiet, well-behaved, and stay out of the way.

Michael had one ally in the family--his stepfather Alex. He had always wanted a dad and Alex did the best he could to fulfill that role. He was kind to Michael, even if they didn't talk much. For instance, he took Michale camping and fishing and tried to come to Michael's baseball games, even though he missed most of them due to travel with work. It broke Michael's heart when he and Liz divorced. Michael had gotten used to the constant fights over money or Emily. But, he never really thought it would come to this.

Michael never really cared about school and felt totally satisfied with his average grades. But his mom pushed him and pushed him to get A's and be the best athlete on his baseball team. To escape her nagging and the craziness at home, Michael spent most of his time with his buddies, especially his best friend Eddie, who had a rowdy, warm, loving family. However, the more he saw how other families lived, the more jealous, angry and resentful he got.

After high school, Michael got an apartment with a few friends and started working full-time at Eddie's family bakery. He dated lots of girls, but just couldn't settle down with anyone. He started having nightmares, insomnia, and bad tension headaches. The worst was when he had an anxiety attack on a fishing trip with Eddie. He thought those times had gone away, but then he had another attack a week later driving home from work. Michael really thought he'd out-grown all of this foolishness. Could it be back and worse then ever?



Scenario C: Extended Family

Michael and Liz's reactions to Emily's disability are not the only part of their family dynamics. Extended family, like the children's "Aunt" Carrie can also be part of the picture. Carrie had always been an active part of their lives as long as they can remember. She lived next door to Liz's parents when Liz was growing up. As an only child, Liz often spent as much time at Aunt Carrie's house as she did at her own because her mother passed away when she was 10 years old. Liz's dad did the best he could, but working two jobs and being heavily involved in his local church took up most of his time. Aunt Carrie became her best friend; someone Liz talked to about all the secrets from her girlfriends or after flunking a test. Aunt Carrie made Liz's First Communion dress and always had a bedroom open when Liz's dad was called for an extra shift.

Later, she took the same loving care of Michael and Emily. For instance, even though the family had moved to another state, she always made sure that they went to camp each summer and had special gifts for birthdays and Christmas. A single woman who called herself "a very happy old maid", Aunt Carrie had strong opinions about everything, including parenting and "that idiocy about learning disabilities". Liz, Michael, and Emily had gotten used to her telling them how to live their lives, but things got really intense when Michael moved out and Emily left college. Aunt Carrie was on the phone every day. She decided that an extended visit was in order. Nobody really wanted to see her, but they knew it would hurt her feelings if they cut her out of their lives totally. They're all dreading a visit from their Aunt Carrie.



Tips and Tricks





Tip #1: Parents: Supporting Adult Children

As seen from the material above, usually the most influential members in any family are the parents. That's because, whether it's single moms or dads or a nuclear family, parents are with a child with an invisible disability from the very beginning--and usually every day after that. Parents are the primary people who build a stable environment for someone to grow up in. Routinely, they become the child's first teachers and provide values and new knowledge every day. As folks from the National Library of Medicine (2016) assert: "Parents are among the most important people in the lives of young children".

But, this relationship is usually fluid, complicated, and multi-faceted. For instance, Laughlin (2014) explains that: "Change [in families] is inevitable, but how often things change can matter for the well-being of children. . . A family structure transition occurs if . . . a parent [is] getting married, divorced or cohabiting with a new partner, [if] either parent in the household lost or gained a job. . . [or] if the child moved at any point." Because such change is part of everyday 21st Century life, families continue to grow or evolve and so will the parent/child relationship. These natural transitions shape family dynamics in multiple, often negative, ways.Examples are: much more stress, less patience with each other, strained communication, increased everyday conflict, changing family roles, and disrupted routines. Such life transitions can also lead to uncertainty and instability throughout the home environment--just exactly what children, adolescents, and young adults with disabilities don't need (University of Wisconsin, 2022;CITATIONS!!) As Martinelli (2025) says, "While transitions are triggers for lots of kids . . they are particularly difficult for kids with emotional and developmental issues."

Normal family transitions aren't the only factors that strongly shape the home environment for parents, siblings, and children with invisible disabilities. Just day-to-day living with someone with LD, dyslexia, or ADHD will affect everyone in myrid ways. For instance, many professionals have emphasized that this type of parenting requires huge reserves of consistency, patience, and understanding; all which should take place in a a loving, supportive environment (Gillis,2025; ADD CITATIONS). As the professionals from LDA (2025) explain: "Like all parents, they need to consider the delicate balance between providing too much or too little assistance for the child, a balance between under and over expecting what the child can do independently. Understanding the child’s needs takes time because needs change with age and with expectations at home, in social settings, and in school. New and unexpected problems may arise as they do with all children."

This sounds relatively straightforward when reading about it. But it can be much more complicated and stressful in real life. As Broitman (2023) states: "It’s very common for parents to experience anxiety, fragility, frustration, and confusion. . . Family members often alternate between being too worried and guilty about their child’s experience or having anger, denial, or losing patience about their child’s behaviors.Parents often react with frustration when confused, overwhelmed, or simply tired. This dynamic can lead to additional demoral-ization on everyone’s part. Since children cannot understand their parent’s reactions, they often believe that the parent's distress is their fault. The child can feel a variety of troubling emotions, such as feeling depressed,anxious, stupid, crazy, and confused. Siblings may also be affected, experiencing difficult and conflicting emotions such as loss, resentment, or guilt."

Such complex emotions are a 2-way street. Broitman (2023) continues:"Any of these experiences can help create secondary psychological issues of shame, depression, and anxiety [for someone with a learning disability]. They can give rise to unconscious convictions that, as a child, you are at fault for the problems that arise. The child’s irrational self-blame and unconscious guilt stem from the responsibility they assume for anything bad that happens to them or their significant others. These beliefs are powerful."

This is exactly what happened to Emily in Scenario A. Emily had always felt that her academic limitations were the center of her family's life. For instance, she couldn't read or write at grade level, couldn't remember what she just studied, and had trouble passing tests. In fact, it got so bad in the third grade, that Emily just refused to go to school altogether. The school psychologist said her stomach aches, dizziness, headaches, sweating, & rapid heartbeat were clear signs of school anxiety. But Liz just got mad and said Emily was "faking it" to get attention. Even when Emily was diagnosed with learning disabilities, things just kept going downhill. Since her mom thought that LD was due to "bad teaching", Emily never got any accommodations for her LD and continued to get C's and D's in her classes.

The good news was that Emily showed an early talent for soccer. She started playing in school in the second grade and did so well that Liz hired a personal coach when she turned 8 years old. Emily played Youth Soccer competitively by age 12 and attended various soccer camps, soccer academies, and local and state tournaments throughout the year. As she traveled more and more, she soon became the star of her local soccer club. All this was exciting, expensive, and exhausting, but Liz believed that the sacrifices and training were worth it. Due to great coaching and lots of exposure, Emily was recruited for a major university and won a full soccer scholarship. She couldn't wait to get away from the pressure at home and on to her life in college. Liz thought she'd finally solved all of Emily's problems.

However, things in Emily's family just went from bad to worse. For example, Michael was so isolated from everyone that they rarely missed him when he finally moved away. On the other hand, the continual stress, expense, anxiety, and craziness of training Emily for competitive soccer finally caused Liz and Alex to divorce. Liz took on still more responsibility and pushed Emily even harder to be an outstanding student athlete in college and "make me proud".

However one night, when Emily showed up unexpectedly at home in the middle of the semester, Liz was shocked. She was especially horrified when Emily asked her to call Dr. Cohen, a university psychiatrist, because she had tried to commit suicide twice in the dorm. Liz couldn't believe what she was hearing. She was blindsided and confused. Emily immediately shut herself in her room and refused to talk to anyone. When Liz calmed down, she called Aunt Carrie for advice and then contacted Dr. Cohen. He patiently explained to Liz that Emily was so angry, resentful, and depressed that she saw suicide as the only way out. Despite all of the tutoring from the Athletic Department, she was often overwhelmed by her coursework. Of special concern, she seemed burned out playing soccer. Her coaches reported that she was physically and mentally exhausted. She started skipping practice and had both an ankle injury and a concussion within the same month.

Dr. Cohen strongly suggested that Emily and her family seek counseling as soon as possible. He was concerned that Emily might try suicide again (Fuller-Thompson, 2017). He also believed that her sports burnout was so critical that he recommended she completely stop playing competitive soccer (CITATIONS). When Liz loudly protested this decision, Dr. Cohen said that losing her scholar-ship could be the least of her worries. Liz was so overwhelmed and upset by their conversation that she immediately contacted one of the local therapists Dr. Cohen had recommended. She woke up Emily and demanded that her daughter go to therapy with her. Emily refused to be involved. So, Liz took a deep breath and started therapy alone.

Liz was able to use some of her insurance from work to partially pay for expensive, on-going counseling. She met with Lucille, a family therapist who spent a lot of time exploring Liz's parenting behaviors and the overall family dynamics. It was an eye-opening and painfully honest experience, especially when Lucille asked her:

  • Do you set boundaries?

  • Do you delegate responsibility?

  • Do you keep a balanced perspective?

  • Do you find time and support for other family members?

  • Do you practice self-care?


They also discussed Liz's communication skills in depth:


  • Do you communicate honestly with your children?

  • Do you listen to them without criticism?

  • Do you back off from emotional arguments when things get out of hand?

  • Are you able to find your composure and talk after everyone cools down?


Liz really didn't want to answer those questions, as she thought they made her seem like the worst mother on the planet. But, as Lucille stressed, these were skills that all parents continually struggle with and would become valuable tools in her toolbox to repair the rifts in her family. They might also be the keys to re-establishing her relationship with her daughter. As a result, with Lucille's help, Liz gradually coaxed Emily out of her room. She tried to nuture her daughter as much as possible by gently providing guidance, support, and empathy whenever she could. Lucille told her that what Emily really wanted was for her mother to listen to her. So, Liz became the world's best listener. She just tried to accept her daughter for who she was, instead of trying to make her into the person Liz wanted her to be.

Emily finally agreed to see Lucille on her own. They started by tackling her two previous suicide attempts and ways to stop a third. Lucille first determined that this was not an emergency situation where Emily already had a plan in place to harm herself (Gilliham 2013). She then worked on ways for Emily to manage her suicidal thoughts if they emerged again. These involved not only being aware of any warning signs, but also using simple, personal coping strategies as needed (e.g., deep breaths, meditation, music, exercise, keeping busy, socializing, positive thinking, and doing something good for herself) to short-circuit a potential crisis (Stanley, et. al, 2020).

However, what Lucille thought would be the most valuable was to include the whole family using Attachment-Based Family Therapy or ABFT (AFSP, 2025). Proponents of the ABFT model believe that support and understanding from the family is a critical element to reducing suicide risk. Therapists especially focus on "revitalizing empathy and authentic connection within the parent-child relationship" (Newport Academy, 2025). As Diamond (2025) explains: “Parenting is built on two pillars—love and empathy, and structure and protection. . . ABFT aims to repair damage in the family system so teens feel safe turning to their parents for support." This is exactly what Liz and Lucille hoped that Emily would learn to do with her mother.

Second, Lucille started exploring Emily's anger, resentment, and on-going depression. As they peeled back the layers, Emily's learning disabilities became a major component. For instance, both Lucille and Liz were very disturbed when Emily revealed that she had often thought of killing herself years before in high school when she kept flunking tests and struggling in school.

Lucille immediately requested updated testing for a new LD diagnosis. The current evaluation clearly showed that Emily had specific learning disabilities in the areas of: ########. This new knowledge quickly became one of the cornerstones of Emily's treatment plan. Both Emily and Liz got assignments from Lucille to get as much information about invisible disabilities and adults as possible. Together, they read all the material and saw the videos that she suggested. They even spoke with a Disability Counselor at Emily's university. All of this information started to put some of the pieces of the puzzle together for both of them.

Third, while Emily and Lucille worked closely together on her issues, Liz continued to refine and grow her new parenting skills. Lucille encouraged her to work on her own self-esteem and see herself becoming the loving, resilient woman she was instead of a failed parent. She also coaxed her into joining a parent support group. Liz enjoyed that so much that she later became a mentor for another parent who's son tried to take his own life. In the group, with lots of discussion, exercises, and professional guidance, Liz learned how to:

  • listen without judgement

  • set realistic limits and consequences

  • communicate openly and honestly

  • give lots of praise and encouragement

  • facilitate independence whenever possible

  • model coping skills and resiliency

While all of this took lots of tears, hard work, love, and laughter, both Liz and Emily finally found the mother/daughter relationship that they always wanted. While they definitely didn't agree all of the time, they learned the best place to be was still with your family--who loved you and nurtured you no matter what.

So, whether you choose to use family counseling or work on parenting skills on your own, remember that there's light at the end of the tunnel. There's lots of things you can do. Start by using the questions above to reflect on your own family or parenting skills. Then, apply those insights to your own relationships in your family, especially those with your children, both with and without invisible disabilities.









Tip #2: Siblings: Re-thinking Your Family Connections

Tip #1 provided lots of useful information for parents of adult sons or daughters with invisible disabilities. But, what about siblings? They live in the house too--and may often spend as much time or more with their brother or sister as their parents or extended family. In fact, they often are just as molded by the family atmosphere as their sibling with a disability.

Clearly, it's complicated for everyone who copes daily with someone with an invisible disability (ADDitude, 2020; Great Schools, 2024; Saline, 2021; ADD CITATIONS). ADD QUOTE??  For instance, Dawson (2025) says: "Siblings of children with LD often express confusion and disappointment about getting less attention from their parents than their sibling with LD. Due in part to parents’ limited time, their energy and focus may be on helping their child with LD get through school and life. It can be difficult to manage the intense needs of a child with LD while at the same time give ample attention to the other kids in the family. Parents often feel guilty about the amount of attention and time given to their child with LD and worry about ways to balance the inequities." ADD QUOTE??

In addition, Indegaard (2023) found 4 trends in the literature that describes the impact siblings on families of children with ADHD:

  • disruption and exhaustion (e.g., high levels of conflict, emotional arousal, and household chaos);

  • reduced quality of life (e.g., strong feelings of isolation, under-appreciation, and even rejection);

  • impaired relations in the family and beyond;

  • confusing emotional conflict (i.e., feeling significant conflict between anger, resentment, sadness, loss, anxiety, guilt, and worry for their exhausted parent and struggling sibling).

Saline (2021) sums it up by saying: " . . . conflicts often erupt around fairness, inclusion, competition, and avoidance. . . [Brothers or sisters] might feel frustrated by their sibling’s impulsive behaviors, or guilty that they don’t have similar behavioral, learning, or social challenges. They may feel pressure to be the “good kid” and not inflict any additional stress on the family. . . . This envy can lead to feelings of inadequacy and deep-seated resentment." All of this definitely describes Michael's family relationships in Scenario B.

For instance, when Liz first informed Michael about Emily's suicide attempts and moving back home, Michael was angry and disgusted. "Here we go again" he thought. "It's ALWAYS about Emily! When did anyone ever care about me?" His first instinct was, as usual, to ignore it all and leave them both alone. But as Liz kept calling him, the more he heard the pain in her voice and her heart-breaking need for support and kindness. Michael soon realized that it wasn't that he didn't love his sister or mom; it was just that he never had known what to do or say around them. They lived in their own little world of competition, craziness and pain--and Michael was never a part of that.

Liz finally talked him into coming home for a brief visit, even though Emily wouldn't come out of her room. But then his mom did an amazing thing. She started to cry; something that Michael had never seen before. She told him that she had made many mistakes as a mother and apologized to him. She asked him if he would go to family therapy with her. She stressed that this wasn't just about Emily for a change. It was about him too.

Michael literally didn't know what to say. He reluctantly agreed and took off work early for the next session with Lucille. Michael and Lucille got along great and she welcomed him with open arms. When she asked for a meeting with Michael alone, he immediately agreed. She explained that he needed the critical time and space to finally express his point of view, complete with all of his feelings and concerns. In this safe place, Michael was able to at last identify and dump his frustration, anger, resentment, and anxiety. He saw how he had always tried to be the "good child" to relieve his guilt and on-going sense of being neglected and alone in his family. He acknowledged that the more he pulled away, the lonelier and sadder he felt. Finally, there was no way back and he became totally disconnected from his mom and sister. In addition, Michael admitted how much he missed having a father and male role model as he was growing up. He discovered that he was still grieving Liz's divorce, as Alex was the only father he remembered. He also realized how much he resented Liz for tearing their family apart. A key insight for Michael was finally understanding that holding in all of this stress, anxiety, and anger might cause his nightmares, insomnia, headaches and anxiety attacks. Lucille then prescribed a mild anti-depressant and used Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to help him. She also thought the timing was right for Michael to get his family back. As a result, both Michael and Emily joined Liz in sessions where they all started working on assignments and creating joint goals to be addressed together.

First, they started a tradition called "Family Fridays", where no matter where they were or what they were doing, they tried to set time aside to touch base for a few minutes. This started out as texts, face-time, or phone calls; then became shared meals; and finally brief visits with each other. The priority was to connect as a family group and share their day. The rule was to always communicate honestly with love and compassion. With Lucille's guidance, they also worked on effective listening skills to really hear and respond to each other.

Second, each of them agreed to keep a private journal to record their feelings, struggles, and achievements while they were happening. This journal would only be shared with Lucille, or the other family members with the owner's explict permission. Both Liz and Michael wrote in a special notebook that Lucille gave them. Given Emily's LD, she found an app and dictated this information online into her phone. All three were surprised to find that the more their family came together, the more they felt comfortable sharing items from their individual journals with each other. While journaling gave then lots to talk about and catch up on in their daily lives, Lucille continued to be available to support them individually and in sessions whenever possible.

Third, as part of the journaling, Lucille now encouraged all three family members to learn more about learning disabilities. They spent a lot of time just reading about, thinking about, and talking about in depth how Emily's invisible disability influenced their lives in multiple, often hidden, ways. To bring this home, Lucille had each person write a personal, detailed letter to someone else in their family specifically describing the ramifications of LD for them. Lucille stressed that there should be no blame, just personal observations and insights from the heart. Both Liz and Michael wrote letters to each other and to Emily. As Emily really hated writing, she decided to make individual collages for her mother and brother to explicitly express her ideas and feelings. All of these efforts gave them a great deal to reflect on and talk about further.

Fourth, they started planning short, family activities together. At first, Michael or Emily cooked a simple meal for Liz. Another time, they went to a movie together and even went fishing with Michael. Emily had started assistant coaching a local girl's soccer team part time, so they all went to the games together. After a year, they decided to go away for Thanksgiving for a few days. One of the best surprises was when Alex joined them for dinner. They were all amazed that he fit back in so well into the family circle. Everyone, especially Liz, had missed him. For some reason, the circle now seemed complete. During dinner, they talked about all of the heartaches and misunderstandings during the last year. But they also realized that there was a lot to celebrate together and maybe even more to come.

For instance, Emily was no longer suicidal and had tentatively started back to school, one online class at a time with accommodations for her LD. She had decided to become a physical education teacher and was still coaching soccer part time. Michael was now at his mom's house every couple of days and was happily dating Eddie's cousin. After a lot of planning and misgivings, Liz cut her job back to part time, so that she had more time for Alex. During dessert, they realized that they might not be an ideal, flawless family, but in the process, they were learning patience, love, and appreciation for each other.

They admitted that all of this took effort, emotion, and energy--much more than anyone had expected. It was a painful, frustrating time for everyone, and yet, joyful as they found each other again. Emily's suicide attempts were definitely tragic and upsetting. However, that also may have been the catalyst that finally brought healing back into their family. Liz, Michael, Emily, and Alex learned that nothing or no one is perfect, but family is forever.

If your relationship to your brothers or sisters with an invisible disabilility is similar to what happened to Emily and Michael, don't ever give up! There are ways to heal the rifts that may naturally happen in your family, especially for siblings. Here's a few specific suggestions from King (2025) to get you started:


a) take time to talk honestly with each other about family dynamics

b) make sure you make dedicated, one-to-one time with each other

c) list questions and journal about your own feelings as they arise

d) think about specific, little ways to support your sibling, if asked

e) definitely don't ignore your sibling or your own feelings

e) don't become another parent or caregiver

f) work towards a balanced relationship with your brother or sister where you

can really appreciate and respect each other

g) work on gratitude and acceptance in your relationship


Siblings of people with invisible disabilites often carry a special, but unseen and unacknowledged, burden for years. Use the information below to move forward.





Tip #3: Extended Family: Educate, educate, educate

Parents and siblings are often the core of a family, but most families today are much larger and more complicated than that. It's not unusual to find multi-generational families who include: biological parents, step-parents and siblings, in-laws, grandparents, great-grandparents, aunts, great-aunts, uncles, cousins, close family friends, and/or close neighbors. These are people who are often deeply invested in your life and may have known you and your family for years. In some situations, extended family members may even live together, financially supporting each other and sharing household duties. Other families may not actually be in the same geographic location, but they can still have strong, familial ties due to technology. Extended family can truly be key players in your life, especially when children with invisible disabilities are concerned. But, no matter what the size of your family, where they are, or who they are, these familial relationships are usually fluid and constantly changing.

There is no doubt that extended family can be an incredibly valuable resource for families and individuals with invisible disabilities throughout their lives. As the folks from LDExplained (2025) emphasize: "Support from extended family is crucial in raising your child with LD or ADHD". There are many ways that that can happen: a) through emotional support (e.g., empathy, patience, listening, and encouragement); b) through practical support (e.g., babysitting, helping around the house, transportation, and respite overnight stays) and c) updated knowledge and understanding of the disability (CITATIONS).

Unfortunately, this is not often the case for many families. As Patterson (2023) explained, "Every holiday season, we face a persistent challenge: how to respond to family members who don’t understand ADHD and yet feel compelled to share their discipline and parenting advice (often loudly)." This is also true for brothers and sisters: "[Siblings of children with ADHD] also described being keenly aware of the judgment of neighbors, friends, and extended family members, as ADHD behaviors can incite negative social interaction. Additionally, they reported that the very same individuals, who could have served as a haven or release, avoided them and their family" (Indegaard, 2023).

Perhaps, one area that is especially pervasive and sensitive is denial. Zachry (2025) eloquently explains this paradox:

"One of the challenges I’ve encountered as an advocate over the last 17+ years has been grandparents and other older extended family members who don’t understand or believe in learning disabilities. Largely, what has really been going on is very powerful denial. These elders don’t want to believe that such things exist because that could mean that the child could really have them and they don’t want to believe that, so they decide that the whole idea of learning disabilities is hogwash. . . . If you looked okay, then you must be capable of achieving in school. Otherwise, you were just lazy. Older folks sometimes limit their comprehension of what it means to have a disability to physically observ-able things, such as being in a wheelchair or having obvious physical attributes as with Down’s Syndrome. When told that their grandchild has ADHD, they might respond that he’s just undisciplined. When told that their grandchild has dyslexia, he just isn’t trying hard enough. What is often really going on beneath the surface is that they take labels like “learning disabled” and translate them to mean “retarded.”

Zachry's comments underscore exactly how Aunt Carrie related to Emily, Liz, and Michael in Scenario C. She knew that Emily always had trouble with academics ever since she started school. Despite that, Aunt Carrie reassured Liz that "Emily will grow out of it. Plus there's a lot of bad teachers out there." When Emily was finally diagnosed with learning disabilities, Aunt Carrie told Liz, "She's just like you were as a kid, you couldn't read or write either. Remember all of the tests that you flunked?" Aunt Carrie continued to give Liz unsolicited advice about everything; Emily's problems, Michael's isolation, and Liz's job and marriage to Alex. For example, when Emily became successful at soccer at a very young age, Aunt Carrie was firm: "See, now there's finally something that Emily's good at. Push that for all you're worth and Emily will be fine."

But Emily wasn't fine. And, when Aunt Carrie heard about Emily's suicide attempts, she nearly had a stroke. Liz managed to keep her from rushing down to take charge of the situation, as she tried to cope with Emily and start her own therapy. But, when Aunt Carrie finally came to visit, things went from bad to worse. She thought all of this was nonsense and everyone needed "to stop driving your mother crazy." She offered them a lot of money to sell their house and move back in with her. As she said, "You tried it here and it just didn't work. Now, come back home and live with me where you belong. I'll take care of everything." She was especially angry when Liz, Emily, and Michael said no. And, hearing about what they were learning in therapy, especially this "learning disability foolishness", nearly sent her over the edge.

Liz managed to talk her into going back home by herself and continued to keep her updated as much as she could. For instance, she sent Aunt Carrie materials on ABFT therapy and books on LD and suicide. Liz even asked her to sit in on a therapy session by phone to better understand how the family was coping and growing together. But the more information Aunt Carrie got, the madder she got. She kept saying: "Your father couldn't read, you couldn't read, and Emily can't read. What's the big deal? Now, tell Emily to grow up! She should just try harder and go back to college where she belongs . . ."

Liz finally decided to stop talking to Aunt Carrie altogether, as she knew she needed to advocate for Emily and the rest of her family. She and her children no longer responded to her phone calls. Instead, they sent her birthday and holiday cards a few times a year just to keep in touch. Aunt Carrie kept pushing and pushing. She finally told Liz that they were all written out of her will and stopped talking to them completely. While Liz felt terrible about it all, she knew that there was nothing else to do. Through a lot of pain and effort, she and her family were growing and changing in healthy ways. If Aunt Carrie didn't want to be part of the process, that was her decision to make. Three years later, Liz found out from a mutual friend that Aunt Carrie had passed away and left her considerable fortune to the local Humane Society.

Extended family in your life may--or may not--be like Aunt Carrie. While this is a sad ending to her story, it doesn't necessarily need to happen to you. There are lots of ways that you can include all of the members of your family in numerous ways. Here's some practical ideas that may work for you, if you are part of an extended family of someone with an invisible disability:

  • get more information to provide understanding, support, and awareness

  • give practical assistance, only if asked!

  • trust and open communication is key--be prepared to discuss everything and anything when problems arise

  • provide lots of patience, understanding, listening, and helping with coping strategies whenever possible

  • don't rush, blame, or criticize everything they do

  • be an advocate in any way possible, if asked

  • always acknowledge and encourage strengths of the individual and family

 

As Zackry (2025) says: "It’s important for families to support each other as best as they can . . . take some time to think about your own extended family. The better your personal support system is, the more you are able to contend with any challenges you encounter along the way . . ."






Resources


(A) Family Resources and Organizations

One thing quickly becomes clear when looking for material on LD, dyslexia, or ADHD--you will find literally thousands and thousands of items that focus on families, especially parents. Whether it's books, websites, podcasts, research, or organizations, the vast majority of these resources stress how parents can successfully raise children with invisible disailities. This has been an on-going trend for over six decades. Notwithstanding, as these children with disabilities grew up and became parents and grand-parents themselves, the field expanded to include adults--and adult-oriented needs and issues.

If you are a parent, sibling, or extended family member, the websites below are definitely the places to start. Each listing below is full of easy to access, research-based, effective ideas and materials from many experts. While most of this information is about children (i.e., their needs, issues, behaviors, and academic achievement), there are often materials about adolescence and adulthood as well. Also, if you want a family focus, check out the websites created specifically for parents, like UNDERSTOOD and PACER:


No matter which one you pick, you'll be amazed at what you can find. For instance, LDA has podcasts on: developmental language, coding the brain, school punishment, and assessment. The International Dyslexia Association provides information on: language, literacy, advocacy, and the youth workforce. CHADD has courses for parent-to-parent or adult-to-adult training for people and families with ADHD. The PACER Center has materials on mental health, assistive technology for teenagers, and guides to government and community resources. The list goes on and on. Dive in and see what you can find . . .




(B) Suicide and therapy/suicidal ideation

Some things bear repeating more than once. One of those things is the connections between invisible disabilities and suicide. For instance, as Huntington & Bender (1993) explain: ". . . a great deal of research has been conducted [about suicide and learning disabilities] and some of the implications are unnerving. Research on self-concept, attributions, anxiety, depression, and suicide among adolescents with LD is examined . . . The research indicates that the emotional development of many adolescents with LD is not notably positive, and these students appear to be at increased risk for severe depression and suicide."

Other authors echo this concern: "“Learning disabilities such as dyslexia cast a very long shadow. Adults with learning disabilities still had 46% higher odds of having attempted suicide than their peers without learning problems, even when we took into account a wide range of other risk factors including lifetime history of depression and substance abuse, ADHD, early adversities, age, race, sex, income and education” (Fuller-Thompson, 2017).

This critical area clearly raises red flags for professionals. For example, Moses (2017) studied almost 14,000 students with invisible disabilities and concluded: "Adolescents with neuro-developmental disabilities involving ADHD and specific learning disorders are found to be at higher risk for suicide. This association is

often explained by a high rate of co-occurrence of depression, anxiety, and externalizing symptoms, but these conditions are not always included as covariates. Correlational and prospective studies of youth diagnosed withADHD, find consistent links between ADHD and suicide ideation, attempts and completion. Youth with specific learning disabilities (e.g., reading, math reasoning) have been found to demonstrate poorer coping (e.g. problem

avoidance), and to be and 2–3 times more likely than non-learning disabled youth to attempt suicide".

It is not the intent of this blog or podcast to delve in depth into the many correlating factors that may lead people with invisible disabilities to attempt to take their lives. But, nothing--and I mean nothing--is more important than saving someone's life. If, as these researchers are saying, a key factor may be one's disability, then we can't talk about this too much. So, please educate yourself, your family, and your friends. And, if you yourself are contemplating suicide, then definitely use the resources below, especially:










ADD MORE CITATIONS!!


References

 
 
 

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