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Writer's pictureLynda Price
Jul 615 min read

Podcast #23: Who's Going to Fix Me?

Updated: 5 days ago



As a child, lots of folks were in charge of your life. But, you're an adult now. So who's going to take care of you? Learn about the magic of reframing and find ways to take control of your own life.....


Definition and Benefits of Re-framing



Reframing is an interesting concept with multiple definitions and functions. In general, reframing can mean seeing or interpreting people, things, images, or ideas in a new way. For instance in psychology, reframing is called cognitive restructuring: "The essential idea behind reframing is that the frame through which a person views a situation determines their point of view. When that frame is shifted, the meaning changes, and thinking and behavior often change along with it." (Morin, 2023). This technique can be used in family or individual therapy to help with negative thought patterns, various mental health problems, and to overall increase one's mental well being.

Another group has taken the idea of reframing in a different direction. They go from a person-oriented perspective to a larger, cultural perspective called The Social Political Model of Disability (Tiner, 2024; CITATIONS). The folks at the University of Little Rock (2024) define the Social Political Model as: "reframe disability by taking the focus away from the person’s disability, [and] shifting the focus toward the designer of the environment and the removal of barriers in the environment". Tiner (2024) further explains that "When wearing this shirt you are helping to present a different narrative for disability; one where we don’t define people by their limitations but by their unique talents, experiences, and perspectives on the world".

Both of these approaches have merit. But to me, the significant definition of reframing came from Gerber and Reiff almost three decades ago in their seminal work Reframing the Learning Disabilities Experience (1996). Their work focused on not what people with LD were doing wrong--but what were they doing right (CITATIONS). They argued that reframing an invisible disability like LD is based on how much control an individual has as an adult. This "reframing" process can be broken down into 4 stages that apply to anyone with a disability: recognition, understanding, acceptance of the learning disability and the development of a plan of action (Gerber, Reiff, and Ginsberg, 1996). Their research stressed that this type of reframing was a critical component in adult satisfaction and quality of life, especially in terms of employment success and self advocacy skills (CITATIONS). To further clarify this important, but often unknown, process Gerber and Reiff (CITATIONS) explored four other areas that would impact successful reframing experiences for adults with LD: persistence, goodness of fit, learned creativity, and protective factors (CITATIONS). I think these ideas are so important for people with all kinds of invisible disabilities that I chose to make reframing the focus of this blog and podcast.

As you can see, the benefits of using reframing are numerous and, often critical, for adults both with and without disabilities. For example, in term of cognitive restructuring, ADD MORE HERE. From a larger point of view, using the Social Political Model of Disability can make powerful and long lasting changes on both people with disabilities and the environment in which they live. ADD MORE HERE. But, I firmly believe that using Gerber's model of reframing specifically for individuals with invisible disabilities like LD is so valuable that it quickly becomes a life-changing experience. Further examples are given below.



Applying Re-Framing to LD and Dyslexia


 One myth that has been prevalent for years about invisible disabilities, like LD or dyslexia, is that children with these disabilities will grow out of them (CITATIONS). In other words, someone or something will "fix" them, so they will be as normal as everyone else. But is this true? A seminal study of 133 adults with LD (mean age of 42.1) by Gerber and his colleagues (1990) has given us some thought-provoking answers. They looked at the long-term effects of learning disabilities from childhood to adulthood. Their research subjects were selected specifically because they were seen as successful adults. So it was very interesting to find that they believed: "their LD got worse if they compared their school-age years to their adult years". In fact, 25% of the respondents felt that they still had more--not less--challenges in adulthood in many areas (e.g., listening, speaking, coordination, impulsivity, attention span, and spelling). As Gerber et al. (1990) concluded: "Things do not get better over time, and problems associated with LD can even get worse in the adult years” (p. 572). (It should be noted that the authors thought these results could also be shaped by how the adults viewed a complex adulthood.) Nevertheless, one conclusion that clearly emerges from these results is that the issues inherent in learning disabilities will not magically gone away.

If this is true, then reframing may be an even more significant skill for adult success than we thought. It definitely is a radically different approach from what has been traditionally taught to children and adolescents with LD for over six decades. For instance, since Samuel Kirk first defined the concept of "learning disabilities" in 1963, the main focus of teaching children with LD and dyslexia has been academics; successfully completing IEP goals to gain grade-level skills in reading, writing, spelling and math. However, while that may have alleviated failure in the public school classroom, there is no IEP in adulthood. This paradox goes hand-in-hand with the ongoing, persistent push for full inclusion of students with LD, dyslexia, or ADHD in regular classrooms. Again, this agenda may have merit for children or adolescents, but it ignores one critical fact for people with invisible disabilities: Adulthood IS full inclusion. And, if children with LD want to become successful adults with LD, then they MUST learn other skills besides reading or writing. As one successful CEO with LD told a friend of mine years ago, "I repeatedly flunked Biology in high school because I could never dissect the damn frog . . . . I've never had to dissect a frog in the Boardroom."

All of this information underscores the idea that we must move beyond the limited lens of childhood. As the title of this Podcast suggests, if children with LD were always "fixed" by adults (i.e., parents, teachers, coaches, siblings, etc.), then there is no need for them to make their own choices and decisions. In other words, it's time for them as adults to live with the consequences of their own actions for better or for worse. Other Podcasts have already delved into what it means to make your own choices (Podcast #9: Find Your Best Match); use self-reflection (Podcast #11: Is That Working for You?); and become independent (Podcast #13: Happy Independence Day). Now we should add re-framing to that list.

Re-framing can have a powerful influence on adults with LD, dyslexia, and ADHD because it directly applies to all areas of adult life, especially home, work, and school (CITATIONS). As Hallowell (2024) explains, "People with ADHD need their families and friends to understand their difficulties. If you know someone with ADHD, the best way to help is to start by changing your own thinking about ADHD. When explaining ADHD to a child, I say, “you have a turbo charged mind – like a Ferrari engine, but the brakes of a bicycle. . ." Anke De Haas (2020) concurs for folks with dyslexia: "The way we think about our past experiences as dyslexics can really shape who we believe we are and how we feel about ourselves. Let’s challenge the negative beliefs we may have developed over the years. Reframing is a technique used in the field of psychology to reevaluate our held beliefs and give ourselves some much-needed perspective."

Reiff (2004) also found this to be true in his on-going reframing work with college students with LD. When learning and practicing reframing, he saw these individuals made fundamental changes in their lives. He concluded that the self-awareness inherent in reframing is "a significant variable in adult success" (p. 185). In an additional study follow-up study 20 years later, Reiff and his colleagues saw this change did not end, but continued in both the college classroom and the workplace (Raskind, Goldberg, Higgins, & Herman; 1999). So, if reframing is such a remarkable tool--what is it and how can it change YOUR life?


Scenarios




Scenario A:

Karen loves her kids, all four of them. She had twins when she was 17 years old and never gradutated from high school. That boy friend went into the Army and they never married. Two more relationships later she had an additonal son and daughter. She woke up one morning to find herself a single mom with 4 active, healthy lives to keep track of. As Karen had come from a large family herself, her mom, aunts, and sisters helped out at first whenever they could. But, now everyone is older and her sisters all have big families of their own. Gradually that support faded away and Karen is left with a house full of craziness. As a single parent, her life is getting more and more complicated. Sometimes things are so intense, that she doesn't want to get out of bed in the morning. But she has to keep going for her children.

All of this is complicated by the constanct complaints and criticism from her mom and two of her sisters. They think she is a terrible mother and never miss an opportunity to tell her so. Karen would admit that she has an unconventional way of mothering her kids. For instance, one time she was too exhausted after a 10 hour shift at Walmart to cook, so the kids took a vote and everyone had ice cream for dinner. Another time, all the kids wanted to make a mural of flowers and butterflies celebrating Spring. The house was a mess, with paint, glue, and glitter all over everything. But, they had lots of laughs and Karen thought the house looked beautiful.

Still another time, Karen decided to show her kids what America looked like. She impulsively pulled everyone out of school and they drove for two weeks from coast to coast. Because they didn't have a lot of money, they camped out or slept in the car whenever they could. They saw big cities, farms, mountains, rivers, prairies, and deserts. Karen made sure that they stopped at every historical site and told the kids to write essays and ask questions about what they saw. Those essays later became a book which was a family record of all of their new ideas and experiences together. The two older children later used the book for years as inspiration for class projects and papers.

Karen hoped that all of this would show her kids--and her family--what a good mother she was and how much she loved her kids. But everyone keeps criticizing Karen's parenting behaviors. Meanwhile, she's really, really tired of all of the negativity while she is still struggling to put food on the table and keep everyone happy and safe.



Scenario B:

Kenny is a high school drop-out. At least, that how he thinks of himself--and what others tell him everyday. Two years ago, when he just gave up and walked away from school, he really didn't think it was a big deal. It gave him lots more time to work on his gaming skills, which are really, really good. So what if he can't read or write past the third grade. Kenny started playing video games when he was 6 years old. He was fascinated by a game called "Major Motion", where cars were driven at high speeds; side swiping other cars and weaving in and out of traffic. He was really good at it and he had a ball playing with other gamers online. Kenny was hooked after that, playing more games everyday for as often as 5 or 6 hours straight. At that point, nobody seemed to care. His older sister was out with her boyfriends all the time; his dad was a big deal in the Army; and his mom was constantly trying to cope with all of the moves from base to base.

The one constant in Kenny's life was gaming. As a kid, he became part of a tight community of online friends, which really helped since he changed schools all of the time moving all over the world. Just as he was getting used to one place trying to make friends and cope in a new environment, his family moved again. The fact that he had severe dyslexia only made matters worse, because once the teachers figured out that he couldn't read, they pretty much left him alone. So Kenny spent more and more time online and focused less and less on school. After a while, he stopped doing most of the homework and skipped school a lot. Dropping out just seemed the next logical step. Especially as his gaming skills got better and better.

He started placing in small tournaments and saw a way to make his dream come true and support himself. For instance, he could download apps like Swagbucks or Freecash that pay you to play. If he was really good, he could be a video games tutor or use video streaming, like Twitch or TikTok, to build up a real following. Maybe someday, he could even review video games or write one of his own and make it big. While all of this would be great, Kenny's real goal in adult life is to be a pro esports gamer. He can just see himself going to Toronto or Ireland, competing against the best gamers and taking home loads of cash. Since none of this involves academics, why is everyone so upset?



Scenario C:

Eddie is a great talker--and an even greater socializer. Eddie just loves people and people just love Eddie. While he never was really good at school, he often charmed his teachers into passing him anyway. As his mom used to say, "Eddie could sell snow to eskimos". People always predicted great things for Eddie, even if he couldn't read or write. They quickly go used to him being hyper-attentive at one minute and then drifting away in his own thoughts later. Who cared, when Eddie could make you laugh and seemed so kind and caring?

Since Eddie barely passed his classes to get his diploma, his dad nagged him "to be a man" and get a job right away. To keep peace at home, Eddie had 8 different jobs in 15 months, ranging from fast food to inspecting and selling home roofing. He always manged to put some sort of resume together and get his foot in the door for a face-to-face interview. He was usually hired right away. But, things never seemed to work out for Eddie. While it was important to bring that first paycheck home to his folks, after that things just seemed to happen to Eddie.

For instance, Eddie would spend too much time on his phone chatting with his current girlfriend or showing up late for work. Or, he would have problems focusing during training or staff meetings. Sometimes, he would take really long breaks or forget entirely what he was doing. A few times, he got in fights with his supervisor or co-workers.The worst was when he got bored with everything. At one job, Eddie just didn't show up the second week and went fishing with his buddies instead. Another time, he worked for a month and then went in to say he was quitting and picking up his paycheck.

Eddie's parents and his girlfriend are getting more and more alarmed, but Eddie really doesn't care. He's got beer money, a fine place to live with his folks, and more friends and good times than he can count. He'll worry about this job stuff later.....


Tips and Tricks



Tip #1: What is the Evidence?

One of the key themes in all types of reframing has two, interconnected parts: a) figuring out how you see yourself and b) using evidence to see how accurate that is.


For instance, Hallowell (2024) urges folks with ADHD to see both sides of what he calls "mirror traits". Examples are: being Hyperactive or restless/energetic; intrusive/eager; can't stay on point/sees connections others don't; forgetful/totally immersed in what you're doing;

disorganized/spontaneous; stubborn/persistent or won't give up; inconsistent/shows flashes of brilliance; Moody/sensitive; and impulsive/creative

All of these, in one way or another, describe Karen to a T.


top five character strengths scores were love of learning, honesty, appreciation of beauty and excellence, kindness, and fairness. The bottom five character strengths scores were self-regulation, perseverance, zest, spirituality, and prudence.





Tip #2: Be Creative!

Learned creativity is a secret weapon that many adults with invisible disabilities often use--and don't even know they have it. They frequently approach problems differently due to how their brain processes information. Adults with LD or dyslexia have repeatedly told me that the they see the big picture first. They often rely on instinct and find solutions that would never occur to others. Thinking outside of the box is second nature to them. In fact, they may see way outside of the box and go to places that most folks haven't even thought about. Or, they totally discover a new box. This can be a crazy, frustrating process at times for others who are trying to follow all of this. But, if the adult with LD or dyslexia can reflect on how they tackle new information or problem solve, they can start reframing how they see themselves. When they view their cognitive abilities as a gift--not an obstacle--their life will change.

As educators have explained: "A positive characteristic is the unconventional way in which some adults with LD devise learning strategies or adaptive methods to master a task or learn a new routine. They have unique ways in which they approach tasks, and, when given the time and opportunity, they are able to problem solve in their own style. This process has been termed “learned creativity” and is credited with adaptive techniques used in employment, daily living tasks, and social situations" (Gerber, et al., 1992; Reiff, et al., 1997). Langley (2023) underscores this by telling his own story: I need to understand how things work and how different elements of information fit into the whole. I attribute this to my dyslexic strength of big picture thinking. The big picture gives meaning to all the other smaller components that make up the whole.

Don’t just give me the smaller facts and details – give me the big picture. No matter what it is, I need to understand how it works and the purpose it serves. What does the bigger picture look like? Where do all the pieces fit in? How does it work? Where are the patterns? Where are the formulas? What do I do with the all the small pieces, if I don’t understand the bigger picture?"

If Langley is singing your song, it may be time to do some reframing. So how do you take advantage of using that in your own life?




Tip #3: Be Persistent! (motivation)

 

     Other researchers took this one step further to see if there were skills or personal factors that might help adults with LD break this cycle and be more successful. For instance, Raskind & Goldberg (2003) conducted a 20-year study and identified six attributes of successful adults with LD: self-awareness, proactivity, perseverance, goal-setting, effective support systems, and emotional coping strategies. As in Gerber's work, perserverance seems to be an important component. Since we already know that your invisible disability isn't magically going away, how can you find the stamina to be a successful adult?

When Raskind and Goldberg (2003) interviewed successful adults for their longitudinal study, they found one, compelling answer. They observed that: "Many persons with learning disabilities show great perseverance and keep pursuing their chosen path despite difficulties. They often describe themselves in such terms as “I am not a quitter,” and “I never give up.” However, successful individuals [with LD] demonstrate an additional important ability — knowing when to quit."

When to quit? Doesn't that make you a quitter? How can that be a good thing? The authors go on to explain that: " . . . after repeated failure, these individuals are able to see and pursue alternative strategies for reaching their goal, or know when the goal itself might have to be modified. Often they try several strategies until they find one that works." In other words, they don't just quit--they take a break and go after the problem in another way. Some people might call this stubborness. Others may label it being obstinate or headstrong. But whatever you call it, this can be a huge asset for adults with invisible disabilities who can't read, write, understand social cues, get organized or pay attention like their non-disabiled peers. For instance, if you have goals and want to achieve them at home, work, or school, try using persistence and her sister skill reframing to achieve them.

As you've probably figured out by now, reframing can involve self-talk and thinking about your life in new ways. Research (CITATIONS) can give you two effective places to start. First, accept failure as part of adulthood. Stop fighting failure. It's important to acknowledge that everyone, both with and with disabilities, fail all of the time. This can be a hard pill to swallow since you may have had more than your share of frustration and failure as part of your disability. In fact, failure is a normal part of life (CITATIONS). So instead of being stuck in only seeing your failures at home, work, or school, do some reframing instead. The easiest and most effective strategy is to turn those failures into valuable, learning experiences (CITATIONS). Adult life is tough, so pull up your "big girl/big boy" panties motivate yourself to try just one more time.

Second, don't become overwhelmed by failure and adversity. It's so easy and familiar to back off from challenges or avoid experiences when you've been beat up over and over again. But, as a friend told me, if you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got. In other words, failure and defeat just grow more failure and defeat. You already know what that feels like--so why go there again? Instead, try reframing one more time and see what happens. As a successful adult in Raskind and Goldberg's study (2023) said, "Once I have a failure, I can’t just dwell on that failure and restrict myself for the rest of my life. I’ll do something else."

So, how do you get motivated to do just that?




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