A big part of happiness as an adult is being around the people who really love you. This may also bring special challenges if you have an invisible disability. Here's some advice for your spouse or friends who make your life so special.
Definition
As you can see from the picture above, love and intimate relationships come in many colors and sizes. To simplify, let's define it first in terms of what is it like to be a spouse or significant other to someone who has an invisible disability. For instance, when I talk about spouses or life partners with LD or dyslexia, I mean someone whom you handpick to share your life with. This involves being in a long-term, committed relationship where you both choose to mutually respect each other and share common goals for the future. Part of this commitment stresses building a satisfying of quality of life together.
ADD MORE HERE....
I think this describes anyone who is in a long-term relationship, but it can quickly get more complicated if your partner has invisible disabilities, like LD, dyslexia or ADHD.
Benefits
If there's one thing that multiple studies for many years have shown, it's the importance a great marriage or a network of wonderful friends to enrich your life everyday (CITATIONS). In fact, no matter where you live or what you do, these relationships often make a crtical difference between success or failure as an adult. For example,
Close Adult Relationships
As you can see, the focus of this podcast is very specific--friends, spouses, and/or life partners. While you may also have many other significant people in your life (e.g. family members or employers), they are discussed in depth in related Podcasts #25 and #26. Since I believe intimate relationships are the glue that holds adult life together, they deserve more than just a passing discussion. Here's some things to think about....
(A) Friends
(B) Spouses and Life Partners
Caveat: Please note that neither of the Scenarios, nor any of the material in this Blog or Podcast, will go into the topic of invisible disabilities and sexual intimacy. These clearly are areas critical for successful adulthood, whether you have disabilities or not. But, they are also beyond the scope of this forum. For more ideas and information from professionals more expert than me, please see *****************************
How this Applies to LD and Dyslexia
protective factors (Wisconsin Department of Health Services, 2023).
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*Caveat: As in all other areas of adult life for folks with invisible disabilities, one size does not fit all. I think this is especially true in terms of social or romantic relationships. As Schultz (2025) explains: "A learning disability has certain common features, but it shows up in different people in different ways. This is especially true in adults. Two people born with the same type of disability may have entirely different life paths, influenced by educational, social, emotional, financial and health factors as they mature." When you put two people, one with LD, in an intimate relationship, things only become more complicated.
Scenarios
Scenario A:
Josh met Julie on a popular dating app. He had just gotten out of an emotional, roller-coaster with someone who was the love of his life. After their third broken engagement, Josh was done. But, he was still lonely--hanging out with the guys just wasn't enough. So, when one of his buddies found his new girlfriend online, Josh decided to try it too. He immedialy found Julie, and it was love at first sight. Josh and Julie seemed too good to be true. After talking for hours everyday online, they started meeting for lunch and then dinner. This turned into lots of fun times and weekend get-aways. Julie met Josh's family and fit in well with Josh's friends. Everyone, including Josh, loved her. So, the the natural step after 8 months of dating seemed to be marriage. After a beautiful, really expensive wedding, they moved in together. Their timeline was a little rushed, as Julie secretly announced that she was pregnant. Every one seemed so happy, but that's when things went off the rails.
Josh quickly found out that dating someone could be entirely different than living with someone full time. The first red flags emerged when he saw how incredibly disorganized she was. Julie had always seemed a little forgetful, but now he realized that she was constantly missing appointments, meetings, and important social engagements. She had no understanding of the consequences of her actions. For example, she had no sense of time or space; she couldn't estimate how long something would take, how far or close something was, or how to plan for anything. Julie clearly had no money sense at all and Josh quickly had to take over the finances. Reading and writing for her were almost impossible tasks.
In addition, Josh had never noticed how often she became frustrated and confused, especially in certain social situations. For instance, when he visited her at work, he saw that occasionally she appeared bored, bewildered, or embarrassed. She later confessed to him that she had been caught plagarizing another colleague's work and was fired from her last job.
These problems were direct contrast with how well Julie got along with everyone. She could literally talk to anyone anywhere and was extremely perceptive and empathetic with others. She just seemed so bright and charming. However, further observation revealed that she often didn't follow what people were saying and avoided topics that required deeper depth and understanding. She could quickly lose interest and would wander away to talk to someone else. But, none of this mattered if Julie cared about you. She could be the most loyal person imaginable. Josh had always been captivated by how Julie could love with her whole heart. She would literally do anything, anytime, anywhere to make you happy. She just wanted to make you smile.
All these are interesting traits for a girl friend, but what about a wife and mother? Things got even more complicated fast, when Julie finally revealed to Josh that she had severe learning disabilities. She tried to explain all of this to him, but the more she talked the more confused and worried he got, especially when she talked about LD being a life-long condition with no cure. When she told him this was genetic, he felt like he was falling off a cliff. What had seemed to be the perfect relationship suddenly became the perfect nightmare.
Scenario B:
Joan is Marcie's closest friend. They started out as college roommates many years ago when they met at a dorm mixer at prestigious, East Coast university. Marcie had never travelled by herself and here she was 2,000 miles away from home. They clicked immediately. Marcie often felt overwhelmed and confused the first few months, but Joan always had her back. They requested the same dorm room and never looked back. They struggled through keeping scholarships,
part-time jobs, doing laundry, keeping up with their classes, lack of sleep and privacy, too many boyfriends, not enough boyfriends, disagreements with professors, bad cafeteria food, too much drinking, financial problems, and health issues. Joan taught Marcie not to give up and to laugh all of the time. Marcie worked with Joan on study skills, organization and time management. When they graduated together, no one was prouder of Marcie than Joan--and vice versa.
Marcie was especially pleased when Joan graduated summa cum laude because she learned early in their friendship that Joan had dyslexia. The girls often pulled all-nighters together when Joan studied for an important exam or struggled to read all of the readings for a certain class. Marcie lost her brother in a diving accident and went home for a few weeks. Joan got her class notes from friends and was her emotional rock. Many things came and went during the four years of college, but Marcie and Joan were best friends.
However, after they separated to go to different graduate schools, things seemed to fall apart for Joan. Marcie and Joan still Skyped every few weeks, but Marcie became more and more concerned about her friend. Joan was clearly alone, anxious and depressed in her new setting. Her self-esteem was zero and she lost her scholarship due to poor grades. She seemed to live in constant chaos. Joan complained that she couldn't connect with anyone. She broke up with two different boyfriends in 6 months. She stopped talking to her family and started having financial problems, especially paying off her student loans. Eventually, Joan dropped out completely from graduate school. She got a series of dead-end jobs and kept quitting when they got too crazy or complicated for her. Marcie was really worried, however, when Joan seemed drunk or hung over during their video calls. Marcie can't reach out across the country to hug her friend, but she wants to do something. She can't stop thinking about Joan, who gave her so much and asked so little in return.
Tips and Tricks
Tip #1: What can make your spouse crazy: executive functioning issues
There are many, different aspects of learning disabilities, but one area that can be a real challenge is executive functioning (e.g. ****************). Whether this shows up in childhood as problems with academics or in adulthood with difficulities in the workplace, these skills are key to everyday life. The importance of executive functioning is especially true in intimate relationships with close friends, spouses, or life partners.
As the folks from the British Dyslexia Association (2025) explain, "There is a common misconception that dyslexia only affects the ability to read and write. In reality, dyslexia can affect memory, organisation, time-keeping, concen-tration, multi-tasking and communication. All impact on everyday life. If you're in a relationship with someone whose brain works differently to yours it can be confusing and frustrating. Especially if you have the responsibility of running a household and family together."
Tip #2: admitting and addressing your disability with others
Tip #3:
misc. resources + seek professional counseling?
Resources
Wisconsin Department of Health Services, 2023). Resilient Wisconsin: Risk and protective factors. What are protective factors? Retrieved from:https://www.dhs.wisconsin.gov/resilient/risk-protective-factors.htm
British Dyslexia Association. (2024). 16+: Living with a dyslexic partner. Retrieved from: https://www.bdadyslexia.org.uk/advice/adults/living-with-a-dyslexic-partner#
Exceptional Individuals. (2023). Dyslexia and relationships: Living with someone who has dyslexia. Retrieved from: https://exceptionalindividuals.com/about-us/blog/dyslexia-relationships-living-with-someone-who-has-dyslexia/
Google AI. (2024) Generative AI: Spouse with learning disability. Retrieved from: https://www.google.com
Schultz, J. (2024). Managing social emotional issues: For adults with learning disabilities. Retrieved from: ldaamerica.org
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