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Podcast 16: Go the Extra Mile

  • Writer: Lynda Price
    Lynda Price
  • Sep 14, 2023
  • 15 min read

Updated: Aug 24


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What's a secret ingredient for successful adulthood? Try giving it all you've got--and then give just a little bit more. Think you have what it takes to go the extra mile with an invisible disability? See if these ideas work for you.....


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Definiton

Going the Extra Mile may have been a phrase you've heard before. However, it's something I bet you've rarely thought about applying to your own life. That's ironic, as many adults have told me this this is their "secret weapon" if they have invisible disabilities. Going the extra mile means: "doing something more than what is expected" (Ashley-Roberts, 2023). Sounds easy, right? But, it often involves lots of extra effort and energy. Nevertheless, going the extra mile can be an effective, powerful way to re-shape your life into a success story.

For instance, look at this through the lens of children versus adults. Kids tend to have fairly consistent lives with boundaries in the environments of home or school. On the other hand, most adults wake up everyday to a myrid of complicated challenges in different settings. For instance, how many adults do you know who struggle with personal relationships at home on the job, or in the community? Do you know people who never can find a roommate or a spouse? Perhaps, others are constantly fighting with their neighbors. Or, maybe they just can't communicate with their kids. If so, going the extra mile in these situations means: "someone does more than they are required and does it with generosity and not for personal gain" (Power of Positivity, 2023). In other words, offering help or support to someone else, but not expecting anything in return.

It should be noted that going the extra mile can have a special meaning in personal or romantic relationships. Glikman (2023) calls it "nourishing" an intimate relationship. Marriages.net (2023) agrees and calls this using "love language". Examples could be giving your girlfriend the first 15 minutes of your attention every day when you wake up or taking your child on a picnic--just the two of you. It could be offering an elderly neighbor a ride to the grocery store or planning a surprise baby shower for a special friend. All of these ideas are great examples of going the extra mile and nourishing your relationships.

Going the extra mile is also a critical component in the work environment. As Birt (2023) explains: "Go above and beyond [on the job] or do more than is required or expected of you". To an employer, that could mean taking on a difficult project without complaining. To a fellow employee, it might be job-sharing when someone is clearly overwhelmed with work responsibilities. Going the extra mile is especially important when you're interviewing for a new job or requesting a promotion. The first thing the employer will look at is your work ethic and how committed you will be to your new situation. Having gone the extra mile can really give you a powerful advantage here.


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Benefits

McCormack (2017) says going the extra mile will give you the "feel good factor", along with boosting your career, helping you fix your mistakes, and impacting others in a positive way. Lattimer (2019) looks at it from a broader perspective when she explains that going the extra mile will: a) perk up your energy; b) give you a sense of purposefulness; c) attract positive energy and feelings back to you; and d) encourage healthy and challenging life goals.

Raman (2015) adds that going the extra mile can make a real difference in how you relate to others everyday, as it promotes a "giving mentality" where the more you give the more you get. He asserts that, "If you want to be known as someone who makes people feel good, be willing to go the extra mile". This definitely applies to home, school, work, or community, where you will discover the following benefits: a) You relate to people better; b) You attract people to you with similar values and beliefs; c) People will trust you and be loyal to you; d) You develop a positive mental attitude; and e) You'll continue to discover ways to make others feel better. In other words, you can make all of this happen by just going the extra mile.


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Connections to LD/Dyslexia

While going the extra mile is clearly a powerful tool that can make your life better in many ways, it is ironic that it is rarely connected to disabilities; especially invisible disabilities. In fact, in an extensive literature search, I could only find one article that even approached this topic.

Maloney, Brown, Ciciurkaite, and Foley (2019) conducted a fascinating study with 42 working women with disabilities. They reported that these women "faced [both] intentional and unintentional structural discrimination and must weigh the pros and cons of disclosure and navigate devaluation threats in pursuing workplace accommodations." The authors found that these women proactively addressed such stigmas and negativity by going the extra mile. If this is true in adulthood for these women, is it true for you?

Do you ever face any negative consequences of your disability? Let's look at the big picture first. Did you know that people with disabilities have poorer health outcomes, lower educational levels, less economic participation, and higher rates of poverty than their non-disabled peers? Perhaps because of this, only 19% of America would tell someone that they have a disability at all (University of Minnesota, 2023).

Then there's the influence of disabilities as seen through a more personal lens. Murugami (2009) raises a red flag about ". . . persons' with disabilities lack of self-actualization, low self-esteem, poor self image, and negative self-concept". These factors often go hand-in-hand with a variety of health issues: depression, stroke, asthma, diabetes, obesity, and poor oral health (WHO, 2023). And that's just the tip of the iceberg. As my colleagues and I have emphasized for 30 years, the personal toll of invisible disabilities like LD and dyslexia can be a heavy one. Adults have repeatedly told me about on-going, intense feelings of: stress, anxiety, frustration, anger, isolation, loneliness, and being overwhelmed or defeated (ADD CITATIONS HERE!!!). Sometimes every day just seems like one struggle after another (Makati Health Center, 2019).

As you already know, living with disabilities is no walk in the park. But, if any of this describes you, take a hint from the ladies in the Maloney, et. al. (2019) study. See those often-daunting issues for what they are--and still move forward. Try going the extra mile to get the benefits given above. The Tips below will get you started in a new direction.


Scenarios


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Scenario A

Audra lives with her older sister Alicia in a small, one-bedroom apartment in the inner city where she works cleaning office buildings. She and her sister were raised by their mom, a single mother who was often in and out of drug rehab for most of their lives. Alicia helps Audra out when she can, but she spends most of her time on her phone or criticizing Audra. This has been happening for years, as Audra struggled to graduate from high school due to her dyslexia. Since academics were never easy for her, Audra often depended on Alicia to help her study or pass tests. Now she wishes she had never asked Alicia for help, as she often calls her "a dummy" or makes fun of her cooking or how she looks. Audra looks at her life and sometimes thinks she will never get away from her sister or find a different, fulfilling life for herself.

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Scenario B

Bill has been working at the same restaurant since it opened 10 years ago. He started part-time after high school and worked as a bus-boy, a dishwasher, a waiter, and a prep-cook in the kitchen. He found that he really liked to cook and was accepted into a culinary arts program at the local community college. But given his learning disabilities, he soon dropped out because he was embarrassed to ask for accommodations. Recently, Stacy bought the restaurant. She is an energetic lady who plans to take the place in innovative, new directions and make more money. She also wants to create a Sous Chef position in the kitchen and is looking to hire someone to take on those duties. Bill feels that he is perfect for the position, given his strong work ethic, extensive experience already in this setting, and his can-do attitude. He also gets along with everyone and love a new challenge. So, how does he convince Stacy?


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Scenario C

Carol just loves politics. Her parents were both politically active and all of her brothers and sisters were expected as children to pass out flyers and leave materials in mailboxes for various candidates and causes. Everyone argued politics as the dinner table and Carol's proudest day was when she was old enough to vote, even though she needed assistance due to her low vision and learning disabilities. She has finally retired as a primary teacher and now wants to get back into politics in a big way. She has volunteered at the local office for years and was just asked to be a Caucus Chair for her state. She is so excited, despite various people voicing subtle--and not so subtle--misgivings about her taking on these important responsibilities due to her disabilities. How can Carol prove them wrong?


Tips and Tricks


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Tip #1: Dealing with Criticism

We all live in a world where everyone seems to criticize everyone else for all kinds of things; what you wear, what you look like, what you believe, and who you are. Most of us just learn to grit our teeth and move forward. But what if you have invisible disabilities and have lived with a daily barrage of criticism and negative comments all of your life? What if all you hear is how dumb and stupid you are--and you finally start to believe it yourself? For many people, their first instinct is to defend themselves or fight back. But returning one attack with another just feeds the fire. Instead, an effective, positive way to get out the this sticky web of craziness is to go the extra mile.

There are many ways to address being criticized. Metcalf (2023) suggests that when you feel someone is criticizing you, ask yourself immediately if what they are saying is true. If it's not, just detach from the messenger and the message. This sounds good, but almost impossible to do. That's why going the extra mile, by deflecting the criticism into a compliment or a kind act, can be such an effective tool. As Celes (2023) explains: "Treat them with kindness. Be generous with your emotions with them. Drop them a compliment. Give them a smile. Say hi. Ask them out for a meal. Help them out in the areas you know they can benefit from. Get to know them personally." While it may seem like exactly the wrong thing to do, give it a try. You'll be amazed how well it works.

For instance, Audra feels constantly criticized by her sister Alicia. She realized that this has been going on for many years and has deteriorated into the primary way they communicate with each other. One day, Audra just had enough. She thought: "I can either go after her with the breadknife or figure out something else to do". She read the tips in this blog and decided to try going the extra mile--because "What else am I going to do?"

Every time Alicia called her "stupid" or "dumb", she ignored it, because Audra knew deep down it just wasn't true. Whenever Alicia criticized the way she dressed or cooked dinner, Audra just just changed the subject or left the room. She learned never to ask Alicia's opinion about anything, but tried instead to make her sister smile by treating her to a meal once in a while or giving her a hug when she felt she needed it. She started giving her compliments out of the blue or leaving her little messages telling her how great it was to have a sister like Alicia. Audra also finally admitted to Alicia how much it hurt her whenever Alicia judged her or found fault with everything she did.

Audra tried these new behaviors for about 8 months and slowly saw a change in their relationship. Alicia was still quick to criticize, but now sometimes she seemed to stop and think a little before she said something. In fact, the sisters seemed to laugh more together and gradually started feeling close again like when they were children. While their relationship wasn't perfect, Audra felt that she finally started to get her sister back.

The biggest thing that Audra did to change her life was to finally realize that she wasn't dumb just because she had dyslexia. In fact, when Audra thought about it, she already had a pretty good life. She really liked her job and had been promoted twice. She was saving up to move into her own place, where she could finally live the way she wanted. She had a great boyfriend who was always in her corner and wonderful friends who loved her just the ways she was. Maybe it was time to depend less on her sister--and more on herself. If any of this applies to you, try going the extra mile. You can also, check out these websites to give you more insights into living with critical people:






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Tip #2: Learn How to Negotiate

A skill you can always use as an adult is negotiation. For example, you might be negotiating to buy a new car or rent an apartment. You could be trying to convince your family where to hold the next family reunion. Or, maybe you are self-employed and trying to negotiate your next contract. Any, or all, of these situations require lots of specialized skills to get what you want by convincing others. This can be problematic, especially if you have LD or dyslexia when you struggle to organize your thoughts or communicate clearly with others.

Here's where going the extra mile can really make a difference. Negotiate means to come to some type of agreement with someone else. Typically, it involves discussion, bargaining, and agreeing on a specific topic or situation. While negotiation can be as simple as what kind of pizza to order, it can also be as complicated as buying a house or choosing to have another child. One of the most complex negotiations you will ever face involves interviewing for a new job or asking for a promotion. This can be a tricky business but when you've already gone the extra mile, you're way ahead of the game.

Vemparala (2023) gives you many proven ways to earn that promotion; most of them are practical suggestions to go the extra mile. For instance, he says to: document your work accomplishments, always dress appropriately, and keep improving your skills with new vocational goals and training. He also advises to be a team leader and be sociable and cooperative with others. He explains that you will be promoted by volunteering for extra work or learning new job responsibilities. A good way to illustrate this is by Bill's situation in Scenario B. Bill has a clear goal at work; he wants to get the Sous Chef job when the new owner re-organizes everything. He feels that he has positives already in his corner and just needs to convince Stacy that he can do it.

Bill is already ahead of the game because he has a proven track record in this setting where he always dressed appropriately and worked well with his peers. He was always volunteering for extra work and was trying to learn new roles in the restaurant. Now, he just needs to document everything he's done, get a few glowing reviews from the other employees, and clearly explain what he wants to learn, as well as bring to, the Sous Chef job.

But, it's the clearly the "explain" part that could be a hurdle for Bill. Every now and then, Bill has problems focusing on a task, prioritizing, or learning new steps in sequence. Disorganization is Bill's middle name due to his LD. He confided in his cousin, Bob, who just got a new job himself. Bob immediately called his Vocational Counselor at the Community College for help. After meeting with her, Bill got great ideas about writing his resume, plus valuable information about interviewing with Stacy. The Vocational Counselor also hooked him up with someone in the Disability Office who gave Bill lots of tips about focusing and prioritizing, along with how to learn sequentially. She even gave him a brochure on the Culinary Arts Program at the community college, where she convinced him he would be a perfect fit. Bill was now ready to go.

He asked to meet with Stacy and explained that he was applying for the Sous Chef job. They talked for a while and he left his new resume with her. Two weeks later, he volunteered to stay after work for a private party. While they were cleaning up at 2am, Stacy offered him the job. Bill later treated Bob to an great dinner at the restaurant to celebrate and thank him for all of his help.

Do you feel like you need to move to a new job? Or, are you just ready for a promotion for an old one? For more great ideas, see the sites below:





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Tip #3: Facing Ignorance, Discrimination, and Stigma

Being a stranger in a strange land is a phenomena that most people with invisible disabilities live with everyday. Whether at home, work, school, or in the community, folks with LD and dyslexia have often told me that nobody--but nobody--seems to understand them. Mis-communication, few connections, and lack of knowledge are the roots of ignorance, stigma, or discrimination.

Nevertheless, one of the most effective ways to directly address these issues is to be the best person you can be. While that probably sounds like a silly meme, most Americans have little or no knowledge about what an invisible disability is--or how it can shape someone's life (Matthews, 2012). That's where you become a "teacher" and go the extra mile to demonstrate why you as a person deserve respect and support. Lattimer (2019) stresses that going the extra mile helps you to: a) get a sense of your own worth and purpose; b) be a positive influence on others; c) energize yourself and those around you; d) attract positive energy and reactions directly back to you; and e) create healthy, positive benchmarks and achievements. In other words, the harder you try and the extra mile that you go, you will create a positive atmosphere, along with a favorable impression on others. When you're trying to teach others about invisible disabilities, there's nothing stronger than a positive role model. Be the example of what works--not what's not working. . . .

For instance, no matter what the setting, there are lots of simple ways that you can exceed the expectations of those around you and be a positive role model. You could stay late or go in early to finish an important project at school or at work. You could be a mentor or sort out a problem for someone else. You might be there for a friend or just listen when they need you. You could give your time and energy to volunteer for a cause or a group that you believe in.

Carol, in Scenario C, is a great example of that. She is a fervent advocate for humanitarian causes, and gets great joy collaborating with others in the political arena. Her experience and enthusiasm make her an asset to any group, but some of her colleagues doubt her abilities to be a leader due to her sight and processing limitations. But Carol knows she's got this! As a former teacher and volunteer, she knew exactly what to do using a few simple accommodations. For example, when Carol's low vision made it difficult to read very small print, she utilized a bar magnifier. She used various apps on her I-Phone for oral transcription or text-to-speech (TTS) support. If a document was exceptionally long or confusing, she asked a friend to read parts of it to her. Those accom-modations also helped Carol's LD, in terms of her reading and/or written language problems. With a spelling and grammar checker on her laptop and a TTS reader, she's always ready to go.

Now, Carol just needs to use all of this support and go the extra mile to convince others about all of her capabilities. It's time for her to step up to the plate with a wonderful written report or a great presentation. Let her actions convince folks that she is the right person to be their new leader and erase those hidden, negative stereotypes.

At first, many folks were put off when Carol self-disclosed and openly used her various supports and accommodations. So she decided to "Go the Extra Mile" in two ways: a) be the best Caucus Chair ever and b) be frank about what she needed--or didn't need--to succeed with her new responsibilities. Carol was amazed that most of the people she worked with had no idea about invisible disabilities or what kind of help was necessary. Her honesty opened up new doors of communication for everyone. Not only did she educate others about invisible--and visible--disabilities, but she was re-elected twice to be Caucus Chair for her state, as she did such an exceptional job. If you need to go the extra mile when folks doubt you or don't understand your abilities, use our girl Carol as a role model. She did it, can you?





Resources


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References




Transition Connection

 
 
 

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